Blog Posts

The apology you didn't get

4/26/2015

What if you were not weighted down by the hurts in your life? Carrying around the hard feelings of life is cumbersome and actually distracts you from the abundant JOY that you can enjoy.

How to let go of the hurts?

One of the most powerful healing elements in this world is forgiveness. You experience great freedom when you forgive. Some of the hurts we receive are difficult to forgive. Maybe we're afraid that if we forgive we will be hurt again. Forgiving doesn't have to do with letting down boundaries or even being around the people or person that hurt you. It is actually about freedom.

Apologies are hard to come by. Not the "oh, sorry" you get when someone bumps into you, but "I said something that hurt you and I did not mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry." Sometimes people are too ashamed to admit they were wrong and sometimes people are not sorry for the hurt.

Here's a secret: people who do the hurting, are people who are hurt. They are missing the capacity to back up and be sorry or they are missing the sensitivity to see that they hurt you.

The glorious thing about life is that you have the capacity to change your emotions around the hurts you've felt. Even if the "other" would never apologize, you can imagine that they did. Do not underestimate the power of imagination and the changes imagination can create within you and even to impact your outer world.

Today's exercise is to write an apology letter from one or more of the people you felt have hurt you. Write it as if their soul is writing to your soul. You can write them back if you want. Then burn or destroy the letter, releasing it on all levels. This is for giving to yourself.

You still get to set boundaries in life that keep you safe.

I just heard a great quote, "Better to have an open heart and a thick skin than a closed heart and a thin skin." You can use this tool of writing your own letters to fortify your skin so that you can keep your glorious, shining heart open.

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You see what you look for. What do you want?

3/25/2015

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What do you want in life? Happiness? Knowledge? Goodness? Prosperity? Love?
How do you increase, invite, promote the MORE that you're seeking?

Ask for it. That could look like a prayer, or advice from a friend or mentor.
Have a clear intention. You have to name it to claim it. Be clear what you want and understand the why you want it.
Look for it. Keep your eyes open and see where the opportunities are for more goodness, kindness, knowledge, prosperity, health.
Acknowledge when you see it. Express gratitude! Take a moment to appreciate that the more you want is increasing.
Take action. Be willing to take a step toward the thing you desire. It might be a class or an email search, a phone call or a break.

You see what you look for. If your radar is up for beauty, you'll see beauty all around you. If you're looking for opportunity, doors will appear. You may need to knock on those doors to enter. What has value will take effort and intention. If you're looking for peace, you'll find the path.

The power of "NO." Saying "no" to what you don't want is a really important aspect creating the space and energy to say "yes" to what you do want. Everyone falls, but with clarity and commitment, you will always have the strength to get up again.

"What you seek is seeking you." What you want will show up. May you be blessed with the courage to step forward toward your heart's desires.

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Passover cleaning made easy?

3/20/2015

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No, Passover cleaning made JOYFUL.

I'm busy cleaning for Passover, the holiday that commemorates the exodus out of slavery of the Israelites. What that means is going through my whole house, cleaning as I go, searching and making sure there's not any little bit of food that will be forbidden during the upcoming holiday of Passover. It's kind of a spring cleaning, though that's not really the point.

It's a daunting job. Seriously.

The thing that irks me is that every year there are articles and lectures about making it an easy task. It's not. Let's get real. It's a lot of work and it's really smart to be organized and to start early.

BUT, what we can do--and this applies to any task that is daunting, time consuming, important, or difficult--you can choose to do the work with joy.

Being joyful is a choice. It's a decision you make. Set your intention and use that to steer your attitude. Write a mission statement.
Play the right music for the mood you want to set. Blast some lively music for cleaning. Soft music for catching up on writing. Lovely music can set the tone for spouse, family, or friendship.
What are the power questions you can ask yourself to give yourself a boost? I actually have a small poster that I made for my fridge. When ever I find myself cutting veggies again, or washing dishes again, or doing laundry again, I look at my poster and ask myself those questions for a power boost. (photo of my power question poster below)
What's your physiology? What are you doing with your body? Your posture, your breath, and the expression on your face all makes a difference. Sometimes I start dancing to change my mood on purpose.
Dress to feel great. I have been known to clean with a really sparkly bracelet on, so that my eyes will have sparkle and beauty as I work. What can you wear while you work that would make you happy?
Give yourself a limit and a break. So for me that is like putting on a CD of music, working through the CD, then stopping for a break. Some people set a timer. What ever works for you. Be sure you're giving yourself the space to rest.
Making lists is great because you get to check off the things you've done! I don't know why that's such a great feeling but it is. Plus, you'll actually see how much you've accomplished even if you have more ahead of you.

When my mother in law was dying, she said to me that she hoped that were ever she was going, that there would be work to do. She told me she sure liked working. It totally changed the way I looked at work. It made me feel so grateful that I have the strength to work and not to take that for granted.

So my dear, make the decision to enjoy the ride and you'll enjoy the results so much more.

Love and blessings,
Laya

This is the poster I made for my fridge. Each of the stickers symbolizes something different to inspire my own joy and contentment.

A few power questions:

How can I transform and elevate the meaning that I am giving to this action?
How can I do what I'm about to do in an elevated way?
Who will this benefit?
What am I living for?
How am I going to get there?

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Handling Life

12/8/2014

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Our hands are such an important part of our daily life. We eat, clean, caress, and play using our hands. Our hands get us in through doors and out of messes. We can use our hands to communicate and our hands protect us.

There are those that say a map of your body is in your hands. (I remember learning a technique years ago for getting rid of headaches by pressing points on the hands.) The hands can even be a metaphor for how you're "handling" issues or life.

Your hands are a simple and profound place to be kind to yourself. Small actions can have profound effects.

Janine Cheung of HealthyBalancedBody.com shares how holding fingers can bring balance:

"You can hold your Thumb to balance Worry (so many babies suck their thumbs, showing that they are worried, or have tummy/digestive problems);
Hold your Index Finger to balance Fear, or help a sore back;
Hold your Middle Finger to balance Anger;
Hold your Ring Finger to balance Grief or Sadness (and to help you breath;)
Hold your Little Finger when you're stuck in trying-too-hard mode (running around taking care of everyone else, but yourself) or Pretense (laughing on the outside, but crying on the inside.)"

One of my personal self nurturing techniques is to lovingly apply hand cream. I keep hand cream next to my bed, in my desk drawer, in the kitchen, and in my purse. You can use a lovely cold pressed coconut or sesame oil as a hand softener. I use those (or olive oil) in the kitchen when I'm doing a lot of food preparation so that if it gets into any of the food, it's edible and clean.

Having the "intention" of taking care of yourself as you take any small, nurturing action will deepen the peace it brings.

May your path always be smooth and fragrant. May you handle things with grace and clarity. May you always have the strength to lend a hand, and to have the courage to take a hand. May you put your hands together in joy and appreciation. May you know when to let go, and when to open your hands to receive. May your heart help you to quietly hold someone's hand... or your own!

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Dance, Dance, Dance!

11/4/2014

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If you haven't seen this viral video, allow me to introduce you to an inspiring woman, Deborah Cohan. She was about to go into surgery for a double mastectomy. And she danced. I am so inspired by her courage and her decision to find joy and connection even in the face of such a challenge.

Where can you use more dance in your life?
Will you choose to dance?
I hope you dance!

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You are all of the parts of you

5/4/2014

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Sometimes we are just so dang hard on ourselves.

When my daughter was a little girl, I remember she did something that was not OK. I was just about to reprimand her when I realized that as little as she was, I had never taught her that what she was doing was not OK. So instead of reacting harshly I gently explained that she was not allowed to do that thing. (Honestly, I don't even remember what it was!) It felt so amazing to me to step a little bit deeper into patience and acceptance and to take the time to be gentle. She learned and I learned. It was a mothering win for me and my daughter and a personal "defining moment."

How often are we so hard on ourselves? We reprimand, demand and berate ourselves for not doing or being "good enough." Well precious ladies, it's time to take a beat, a moment in time, and take a break from the inner critic (who could probably also use a break!).

How can you soften your self talk? What can you say to encourage yourself? What mindset can you step into in this very moment that will support you in gently and lovingly tending to what needs tending?

I'm not talking about dropping responsibilities or ditching important goals. I mean, how can you be with yourself so that you can move forward with grace and contentment?

We know that when life is before us, it's about taking small steps that are really doable and not overwhelming ourselves. How can you tenderly self correct so that you stay on course for your life goals--whether they are goals in business, family, or personal?

At the time of this writing, my mother is 91 years old and has Alzheimer's. She forgets a lot. She asks me how the weather is a lot. The only way to be with her is gently and kindly. The only way to be with her is accepting.

Within each of us is that little girl and that old woman. Within each one of us is the rich power of womanhood. How will you relate to yourself today? Naturally it will reflect in the way you relate to others.

A deep, loving breath can really make a difference too. It's yours in this very moment.

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The Power of Dance

3/1/2014

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We all know that music can effect mood. You don't need a scientific study. You know the music you can play that will make you cry, or feel lofty, or romantic, and so on. And you know the music that will make you dance around the house. That's the music I'm talking about here.

It's not unusual in our house that when a swing tune comes on for me to grab my daughter or husband and dance around the kitchen. Lately I've been using the kind of music you'd hear at a Jewish wedding for circle dances.

At first my family thought I was nuts for putting it on and dancing around, but they allowed me to coax them onto the dance floor of my kitchen. Here's what I noticed: As soon as someone would join our small circle, they would break into a huge smile. There it was, an increase in joy. The world needs your increased joy.

Experiment with this. I've done it with students (teen girls), sometimes they've just stared at me, but sometimes they jump in and join in.

Create joy for yourself and others. You know what to do. Crank up a good song and start moving. There are a few suggestions below; just click play, take a deep breath, and go with the flow.

Know that your sisters around the globe are dancing with you in spirit.

Big blessings!
Laya

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Get Colorful

10/24/2013

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We are born with a full box of colors. You may be really naturally good at using some colors more than others but that doesn't mean you have to limit yourself.

Go ahead. Try some new color. Try bringing new color into your space; a change. Or try a style that is different for you--BOLD
instead of delicate or soft instead of crisp. Bring along a girlfriend for the journey and adventure of adding more color. Give each other encouragement.

You can even enjoy shades of the same color.

Or try the color of a swim instead of walking; or try karate instead of yoga. Eat at a new restaurant. Add fruit to your vegetable salad. Thank goodness someone decided to use vegetables in cake or there would be no such thing as carrot cake!

I took a workshop in laughter yoga and one of the exercises was to speak in gibberish. Ever do that with a baby who can't speak yet? It's so fun and funny. Take an acting or drawing or computer class. Give a workshop and share something that you enjoy doing with others!

Go for it. Soft or bold, bright or pastel, crayon, pencil, marker, it doesn't even matter; express your colors. Your expression will help you release what needs releasing and bring more joy and comfort in surprising and delightful ways. Oh yeah!

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Don't Burst My Bubble

10/14/2013

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Some people just want to live in their own bubbles. They feel safe that way, or at lease they think they do. They don't want their bubbles burst. But, a "burst bubble" can be a breaking free from illusion. Breaking free from illusion, as painful as it can be, is actually a wonderful thing!
In "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior" by Dan Millman, the main character tells his spiritual teacher about his disappointment because he was disillusioned about something. The teacher's response? It was time to celebrate! What a wonderful thing to live free of the illusions.

Sometimes we need to pop those bubbles that we're living in. They are not serving us. At the same time, there are bubbles we can create, bubbles that set boundaries of energy or of thought, in a way like a prayer. What does that look like? Visualize in your mind's eye that you are surrounded by a bubble of color. No harmful thoughts can enter that place. You can imagine the people you love in protective bubbles as well. There is great power in visualization. If you haven't tapped into the power of imagination in creating reality, this is a great place to begin. If you have done this before, take a minute now to tap into this power once more.

Beautiful women, experiment with the imagery of bubbles, use this idea to your advantage. Let the bubbles that are outdated and that do not serve you "pop". When judgments or old thoughts and beliefs are released, you are free to build yourself a reality that serves, builds, and even protects you.

What area of your life would a protective bubble make safer?
What thoughts or judgments can you let go of now? How can you use the imagery of popping those bubbles in your mind's eye to set yourself free?

In the events and retreats that I give, I talk about "Beyond the Bubble Bath". We look for ways to self nurture. How about you actually allow yourself to dip right into a bubble bath for a change, but really give it to yourself, candle lights and all? Treat your inner child to the adventure and magic of bubbles as you release what needs to be released. Give yourself the gift of loving yourself though the proces.

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Comments, questions or ideas? I love to hear from you! <3

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What if you make a mistake?

8/27/2013

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My friend was in pain after a surgery. "I feel like I have to throw up," she cried, "what if I throw up?" I ran to get the trash can for her, "So, you'll throw up," I said. Some how that matter of fact attitude helped her. She shared with me later that she knew she would be ok even if she had to throw up. (Which she did.)

So, what if you made a mistake?
So, you made a mistake.
It's just a matter of fact. It's in the past now anyway!
So, go fix it the best you can.

Maybe you made a mistake in your own life, maybe you hurt someone else, maybe you fell short in some way. OK. But the day (or night) is not over and you have a chance to do some repair work.

If you make a mistake, do NOT indulge in self pity and do NOT beat yourself up. No. Go back. Fix what you need to and then reroute yourself to be back on track. You keep getting new chances to do things the way you want to do them, with the grace, wit, joy, or peace that you want to bring into your life. You're doing it! Keep going.

Do your best to look for the signs--there are always warning signs. It may come in the form of sage advice from a trusted friend, or a feeling in your guts--an inner voice, or literally a sign like the one in our picture above.

The bottom line is: Everyone makes mistakes. No exceptions. What you do now, how you take action to repair, is what matters.

1) Forgive yourself
2) Apologize where needed and even sometimes when you don't think you need to because that's a cheap price for peace
3) Replace or Repair what you can where needed
4) Learn from your mistake

5) Now you're more than you were before the mistake, celebrate your growth

Baby steps ladies, just one step at a time and the results are spectacular!

Please "Like" and share this with 'you know who' with love! <3

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Your host:
Laya Saul

Laya is best known for her award winning self help book called "You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way." Laya believes that women can change the world with their feminine perspectives and strengths. But many women feel depleted, so Laya created Nurturing Women to give women a place to come to feel a sense of community to replenish emotional and mental stores, find comfort, and gather strength to bless the world in ways that only women can. Be in touch!

The apology you didn't get

You see what you look for. What do you want?

Passover cleaning made easy?

No, Passover cleaning made JOYFUL.

Handling Life

Dance, Dance, Dance!

You are all of the parts of you

The Power of Dance

Get Colorful

Don't Burst My Bubble

What if you make a mistake?

Your host:
Laya Saul

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No, Passover cleaning made JOYFUL.

Your host:Laya Saul

Archives

Categories

Your host:
Laya Saul