Blog Posts - Nurturing Women

So, you're a caterpillar, nourish yourself!

3/29/2016

We often talk about how being a caterpillar is leading up to getting into that cocoon and becoming a butterfly. It's great to be a butterfly when the time is right, but you have to earn becoming a butterfly! If you want to fly, be present and nourish the caterpillar stage of life first. Take care of yourself where ever you are in life because it's a beautiful and necessary part of your life cycle. Everything in its right time. If you're going through a caterpillar stage, be a caterpillar. Enjoy that life is about consuming and growing and shedding what no longer fits. That doesn't mean it's easy. Heck, caterpillars have to molt about four times in the short part of their life cycle. The big picture of that part of the butterfly's life cycle is very short but you can't be a butterfly without being a caterpillar first.

You get the metaphor, right? We go through cycles many times in our lives, hatching, growing, transforming and then flying. You don't have to grieve when you're not in the winged butterfly stage of your life. Be where you are; you're still growing. No one starts out as a butterfly.

And when you're in the butterfly stage you have to know that "this too shall pass," as life brings its ups and downs-the broad places and the narrow places. If you're in caterpillar mode, don't worry, you'll fly, but before you do, you'll need to grow as a caterpillar. The time will come to rest inside your cocoon. Then, only when the time is right, you'll fly.

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and comment :-)

Nurturing Children with Love

2/18/2016

Share the love!

Here's my newest book!! This sweet picture book brings comfort and gently, joyfully builds bonds. Everyone loves to hear how much they are loved. Toddler, parent, and grandparent tested, this book guarantees smiles.

Follow Frog and Duck throughout their day from the morning sunshine to sweet dreams.

I invite you to help bring this book to print by heading over to Indiegogo to join in the campaign by choosing the perks and rewards that you love.

I appreciate your help in sharing this special book with people in your circle who would love to have a snuggle and a smile with the little ones in their lives. Click the button below and watch the video to see a sample of I Love You So Much.

Claim My Rewards!

Let me know what you think.

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Tips to feel emotionally great

10/6/2015

Some questions to consider: What are you allowing into your awareness each day? What do you click on when you're online? Who are you spending time with? What are you reading (besides this blog, and I'm glad you're here!)? What's happening in music you listen to?

Is it working for you? Are the people you spend time with lifting your spirits and inspiring you? Are the places you spend time in making you smile or bringing you peace? Does your music make you want to dance or bring you peace, or does it make you feel lonely? What about your home environment? Do you love it?

When you see, do, and hear things that lift your spirits or grow your mind, you're going to feel great at the end of the day.

You can have choices about where you go and who you're with and those choices will have a big impact on the joy or comfort or contentment you experience. You can impact your world by your choices.

AND...

There's a whole lot we can't control. We're not in control of the things other people say or do. We're not in control of much actually. Even if you're a positive person who looks for the good, this is a world that is full to the brim with challenges. Things get in the way of that smooth ride. Traffic and flat tires happen, ants come into the house, and people can act like jerks (and it really stinks when you're feeling vulnerable or tender on top of that).

What matters in life is not if things are going your way or not, but how you relate to what's happening! How do you respond when the going gets rough?

Here's the secret: Have a plan about the way you want to react to the hard stuff of life. Practice in your mind. Rehearse the attitude you want as your nature. You're not supposed to get it perfect but you can grow, and the growing feels great.

You choose silence, kind words or harsh words. You choose forgiveness or grudges and resentment. You choose. You have the power over some of what you're around and almost no power over what is flowing around you. Your real power is over what you do (on the inside of you and in your reactions) with what is happening around you. There are other posts on this blog with tools to help you grow in the way you perceive and react to life. It starts with the intention to make your life better and the choice to start with one small change.

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Why and How to Say "I'm Sorry"

9/2/2015

On a rainy day, thirty plus years after stealing something as a teenager, I drove to the store I stole from. I was shaking like crazy. I was so embarrassed. But I went into the store and asked for the owner. I told him what I had done all those years ago. Then I asked him if I could pay him some money and would he please forgive me.

His jaw dropped. He took the money and forgave me. Something that had been eating at me for decades was repaired. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was also one of the most freeing.

We've got the easy "sorry," like when you bump into someone by accident, "Oh, excuse me, sorry."

But then there is the soul-searching-face-the-facts apology. Those kinds of "sorry" are harder to get to. What's the hardest part about saying you're sorry and asking for forgiveness?

There are two situations when asking for forgiveness is especially hard:

You don't think you did anything wrong, or
You did or said something you feel badly about

So let's start with the "why" ask forgiveness. This is big.

It keeps the peace in relationships
It clears your heart and soul; it repairs a damage done
It can bring healing

It can be hard to approach someone to ask forgiveness because it's possible that you'll be rejected. That's disheartening and disappointing. Or, the person you're apologizing to will take this as an opening to attack you. Not good at all and then you have to set a boundary. It can be really hard if you did something you're truly ashamed of. Admitting that feels humiliating (like my story above).

How to ask:

The first thing before approaching someone to apologize is to set your intention:

What do you want from the connection?
Are you centered in your heart?
Are you standing in the place of righting a wrong?
Saying a prayer and asking for Divine assistance in healing the situation is very powerful.

Inside you there is regret somewhere. So use this as a springboard into the decision that you will do your best to do better next time. Feel free to share that.

If you don't think you did anything wrong, saying sorry is a way to keep peace. In a world where peace is sorely needed, you have a chance to let go of ego and go to another soul to bring healing. "I'm really sorry that I caused you pain." That is real. You are not opening up to get pushed or hurt in any way. If the reaction is not nice and you need to set a boundary, do it. We're not talking groveling, but we are also not talking about striking back if someone strikes out at you. You did your best and can let it go. It is swallowing pride and giving a gift. It's the high road and it's worth it.

If you've done something you know was wrong: said something biting and mean, stolen something, embarrassed someone, let someone down somehow, and so on it could be really hard to face that person.

A friend shared that at her high school reunion a woman came up to her with open arms to hug her. She stepped back and said, "How can you hug me? You were a bully and you were mean to me." The woman answered, "I know. When we were young I was being abused in my home and I didn't know how else to deal with it. I came to say I'm sorry." Can you imagine the courage it took for that woman? Can you imagine the healing that took place that day?

When not to apologize:
If bringing up something you want to apologize for will bring more hurt than keeping it to yourself. The idea is not to cause someone else pain to relieve your guilt.

Take account within yourself. Bring peace. Free yourself. Repair the world. Be strong and step into your courage. Let the healing begin.

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The apology you didn't get

4/26/2015

What if you were not weighted down by the hurts in your life? Carrying around the hard feelings of life is cumbersome and actually distracts you from the abundant JOY that you can enjoy.

How to let go of the hurts?

One of the most powerful healing elements in this world is forgiveness. You experience great freedom when you forgive. Some of the hurts we receive are difficult to forgive. Maybe we're afraid that if we forgive we will be hurt again. Forgiving doesn't have to do with letting down boundaries or even being around the people or person that hurt you. It is actually about freedom.

Apologies are hard to come by. Not the "oh, sorry" you get when someone bumps into you, but "I said something that hurt you and I did not mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry." Sometimes people are too ashamed to admit they were wrong and sometimes people are not sorry for the hurt.

Here's a secret: people who do the hurting, are people who are hurt. They are missing the capacity to back up and be sorry or they are missing the sensitivity to see that they hurt you.

The glorious thing about life is that you have the capacity to change your emotions around the hurts you've felt. Even if the "other" would never apologize, you can imagine that they did. Do not underestimate the power of imagination and the changes imagination can create within you and even to impact your outer world.

Today's exercise is to write an apology letter from one or more of the people you felt have hurt you. Write it as if their soul is writing to your soul. You can write them back if you want. Then burn or destroy the letter, releasing it on all levels. This is for giving to yourself.

You still get to set boundaries in life that keep you safe.

I just heard a great quote, "Better to have an open heart and a thick skin than a closed heart and a thin skin." You can use this tool of writing your own letters to fortify your skin so that you can keep your glorious, shining heart open.

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You see what you look for. What do you want?

3/25/2015

What do you want in life? Happiness? Knowledge? Goodness? Prosperity? Love?
How do you increase, invite, promote the MORE that you're seeking?

Ask for it. That could look like a prayer, or advice from a friend or mentor.
Have a clear intention. You have to name it to claim it. Be clear what you want and understand the why you want it.
Look for it. Keep your eyes open and see where the opportunities are for more goodness, kindness, knowledge, prosperity, health.
Acknowledge when you see it. Express gratitude! Take a moment to appreciate that the more you want is increasing.
Take action. Be willing to take a step toward the thing you desire. It might be a class or an email search, a phone call or a break.

You see what you look for. If your radar is up for beauty, you'll see beauty all around you. If you're looking for opportunity, doors will appear. You may need to knock on those doors to enter. What has value will take effort and intention. If you're looking for peace, you'll find the path.

The power of "NO." Saying "no" to what you don't want is a really important aspect creating the space and energy to say "yes" to what you do want. Everyone falls, but with clarity and commitment, you will always have the strength to get up again.

"What you seek is seeking you." What you want will show up. May you be blessed with the courage to step forward toward your heart's desires.

Passover cleaning made easy?

3/20/2015

No, Passover cleaning made JOYFUL.

I'm busy cleaning for Passover, the holiday that commemorates the exodus out of slavery of the Israelites. What that means is going through my whole house, cleaning as I go, searching and making sure there's not any little bit of food that will be forbidden during the upcoming holiday of Passover. It's kind of a spring cleaning, though that's not really the point.

It's a daunting job. Seriously.

The thing that irks me is that every year there are articles and lectures about making it an easy task. It's not. Let's get real. It's a lot of work and it's really smart to be organized and to start early.

BUT, what we can do--and this applies to any task that is daunting, time consuming, important, or difficult--you can choose to do the work with joy.

Being joyful is a choice. It's a decision you make. Set your intention and use that to steer your attitude. Write a mission statement.
Play the right music for the mood you want to set. Blast some lively music for cleaning. Soft music for catching up on writing. Lovely music can set the tone for spouse, family, or friendship.
What are the power questions you can ask yourself to give yourself a boost? I actually have a small poster that I made for my fridge. When ever I find myself cutting veggies again, or washing dishes again, or doing laundry again, I look at my poster and ask myself those questions for a power boost. (photo of my power question poster below)
What's your physiology? What are you doing with your body? Your posture, your breath, and the expression on your face all makes a difference. Sometimes I start dancing to change my mood on purpose.
Dress to feel great. I have been known to clean with a really sparkly bracelet on, so that my eyes will have sparkle and beauty as I work. What can you wear while you work that would make you happy?
Give yourself a limit and a break. So for me that is like putting on a CD of music, working through the CD, then stopping for a break. Some people set a timer. What ever works for you. Be sure you're giving yourself the space to rest.
Making lists is great because you get to check off the things you've done! I don't know why that's such a great feeling but it is. Plus, you'll actually see how much you've accomplished even if you have more ahead of you.

When my mother in law was dying, she said to me that she hoped that were ever she was going, that there would be work to do. She told me she sure liked working. It totally changed the way I looked at work. It made me feel so grateful that I have the strength to work and not to take that for granted.

So my dear, make the decision to enjoy the ride and you'll enjoy the results so much more.

Love and blessings,
Laya

This is the poster I made for my fridge. Each of the stickers symbolizes something different to inspire my own joy and contentment.

A few power questions:

How can I transform and elevate the meaning that I am giving to this action?
How can I do what I'm about to do in an elevated way?
Who will this benefit?
What am I living for?
How am I going to get there?

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Handling Life

12/8/2014

Our hands are such an important part of our daily life. We eat, clean, caress, and play using our hands. Our hands get us in through doors and out of messes. We can use our hands to communicate and our hands protect us.

There are those that say a map of your body is in your hands. (I remember learning a technique years ago for getting rid of headaches by pressing points on the hands.) The hands can even be a metaphor for how you're "handling" issues or life.

Your hands are a simple and profound place to be kind to yourself. Small actions can have profound effects.

Janine Cheung of HealthyBalancedBody.com shares how holding fingers can bring balance:

"You can hold your Thumb to balance Worry (so many babies suck their thumbs, showing that they are worried, or have tummy/digestive problems);
Hold your Index Finger to balance Fear, or help a sore back;
Hold your Middle Finger to balance Anger;
Hold your Ring Finger to balance Grief or Sadness (and to help you breath;)
Hold your Little Finger when you're stuck in trying-too-hard mode (running around taking care of everyone else, but yourself) or Pretense (laughing on the outside, but crying on the inside.)"

One of my personal self nurturing techniques is to lovingly apply hand cream. I keep hand cream next to my bed, in my desk drawer, in the kitchen, and in my purse. You can use a lovely cold pressed coconut or sesame oil as a hand softener. I use those (or olive oil) in the kitchen when I'm doing a lot of food preparation so that if it gets into any of the food, it's edible and clean.

Having the "intention" of taking care of yourself as you take any small, nurturing action will deepen the peace it brings.

May your path always be smooth and fragrant. May you handle things with grace and clarity. May you always have the strength to lend a hand, and to have the courage to take a hand. May you put your hands together in joy and appreciation. May you know when to let go, and when to open your hands to receive. May your heart help you to quietly hold someone's hand... or your own!

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Dance, Dance, Dance!

11/4/2014

If you haven't seen this viral video, allow me to introduce you to an inspiring woman, Deborah Cohan. She was about to go into surgery for a double mastectomy. And she danced. I am so inspired by her courage and her decision to find joy and connection even in the face of such a challenge.

Where can you use more dance in your life?
Will you choose to dance?
I hope you dance!

You are all of the parts of you

5/4/2014

Sometimes we are just so dang hard on ourselves.

When my daughter was a little girl, I remember she did something that was not OK. I was just about to reprimand her when I realized that as little as she was, I had never taught her that what she was doing was not OK. So instead of reacting harshly I gently explained that she was not allowed to do that thing. (Honestly, I don't even remember what it was!) It felt so amazing to me to step a little bit deeper into patience and acceptance and to take the time to be gentle. She learned and I learned. It was a mothering win for me and my daughter and a personal "defining moment."

How often are we so hard on ourselves? We reprimand, demand and berate ourselves for not doing or being "good enough." Well precious ladies, it's time to take a beat, a moment in time, and take a break from the inner critic (who could probably also use a break!).

How can you soften your self talk? What can you say to encourage yourself? What mindset can you step into in this very moment that will support you in gently and lovingly tending to what needs tending?

I'm not talking about dropping responsibilities or ditching important goals. I mean, how can you be with yourself so that you can move forward with grace and contentment?

We know that when life is before us, it's about taking small steps that are really doable and not overwhelming ourselves. How can you tenderly self correct so that you stay on course for your life goals--whether they are goals in business, family, or personal?

At the time of this writing, my mother is 91 years old and has Alzheimer's. She forgets a lot. She asks me how the weather is a lot. The only way to be with her is gently and kindly. The only way to be with her is accepting.

Within each of us is that little girl and that old woman. Within each one of us is the rich power of womanhood. How will you relate to yourself today? Naturally it will reflect in the way you relate to others.

A deep, loving breath can really make a difference too. It's yours in this very moment.